So. Drank a cup of coffee at 9pm (its now 11pm) and i am SO hyper! So I thought id create a blog to write first hand experience to prove to my BLOODY GP what effects certain stuff has on my mood.

Needed to get some research done tonight for this job interview and I just cannot concentrate on boring stuff like that. So its facebook out, lets message people who I havent wrote to in ages on facebook, lets check my messages, do some other fun stuff oooh lets create a blog. Thats what a cup of coffee does to me when I am on the way up.

I am SO excited about this job interview on  friday! I cant wait! oooh starting her career! Awesome.

Anyway I wanted to write about the whole caffiene experience for me so I can read back and understand it more when im at ‘bassline’.

My heart feels like it is going to burst with joy and I can feel the excitement of life running through my veins – especially in my fingertips – it actually feels like I have energy in my fingertips, I cannot write fast enough and I cant get these thoughts out of my head fast enough either and Im getting annoyed because I keep making spelling mistakes! This is some serious heated energy in my fingertips!

I have been particularly sensitive to caffiene for as long as I can remember, I only started drinking it at college because I fell ill and the tiredness from the medication I was on at the time was crippling, I couldnt concentrate on my studies. So I turned to costa! I remember being in lectures after a latte, with the same buzz, not being able to concentrate on anything, being too excited to be there, all these ideas buzzing through my mind. The energy and the pure joy I got from it was undescribable. I could not scream loud enough to get the feeling out.

Then came the come downs, I was sick, shaky, felt like death and I couldnt cope with it. I got addicted to pro plus a few weeks after the coffee thing which developed in to a full blown addiction for caffiene. That was in 2009. Total bitch without the pro plus (!) and I became a very agressive person.

It took me months to stop after a close friend ratted me out that I had a problem with it. I didnt have a clue. I depended on it so much I was waking up at 2am and taking a dose. It didnt wake me up anymore, I struggled to get my head down at night and was eventually taking pills for the sake of it. It was a full box of proplus a day at one point, plus numerous coffees during the day and coca-cola being my back up drink.

I think thats the main reason why coffee doesnt make me feel sick anymore, Im very much desensitised to it in that respect.

However, this week I can tell im on the up due to how having just half a cup first thing in the morning has resulted on me experiencing…

– severe paranoia and social anxiety

– depersonalisation (octupus arms! Ill save that for another post!)

– derealisation

– peripheral hallucinations

I don’t think the medication im on is helping with the above very much, Im almost certain these are due to the meds im on and are keeping me on the up. I’ve been on them 6 weeks and already had my dose cut in half – this shouldnt be happening this far in to them. A similar thing happened a few years on SSRI’S and I know they are not for me. My doctor on the other hand wont listen to me, which reminds me I need to make an appointment tomorrow before I turn all octopus again.


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