Lost.

aliceinwonderland_conceptart1

“Little Alice fell
d
o  
w
n the hole,      
bumped her head      
and bruised her soul”  

I don’t know who I am, what I want from my life or where the hell i’m going right now.

I feel like Alice who fell down the rabbit hole and doesn’t know how to get out. Left isn’t left anymore, nor right is right. I’m trying to travel upwards but sinking downwards the more I do. I walk fast but end up going nowhere, and I sit still to find myself in a different place altogether.

“My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.”
I don’t know what I want, yet I refuse to die a little inside when I do not achieve what I didn’t want in the first place.

I’m trying to sleep my days away, just to get to the place where I want to be. Where that is I don’t know. Maybe I should take some advice from the Cheshire Cat.

“Alice came to a fork in the road. ‘Which road do I take?’ she asked.
‘Where do you want to go?’ responded the Cheshire Cat.
‘I don’t know,’ Alice answered.
‘Then,’ said the Cat, ‘it doesn’t matter.”

It doesn’t matter indeed. I just don’t like being stuck in a place of nothingness where I am a stranger to myself. At least that I know. I don’t know where the f**k i’m going, but I sure as hell don’t want to be here.

And this stranger who I have become to myself, the person I don’t recognise in the mirror anymore…

“I wonder if I’ve been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I’m not the same, the next question is ‘Who in the world am I?’ Ah, that’s the great puzzle!”  

It easy for outsiders to take a step back, look upon this mess I am currently in and say to me ‘If you do not know who you are then simply be the person you want to be…’ Yes, it’s so easy to say, but how do you become the person you want to be when you don’t have the slightest clue who you want to be in the first place?

“I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”  

Who was I before this…?

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”

…and why did I escape from her? Because, you was unhappy Megan, that’s why.

“In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”

Does that mean I’m stuck here?

Here’s sat a girl who wants to take action but doesn’t know how or which way to go about it.

“Alice: …So long as I get somewhere.
The Cheshire Cat: Oh, you’re sure to do that, if only you walk long enough…”  

– Lewis Carroll

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2 thoughts on “Lost.

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