After entertaining with Hypnotherapy for the past week, following life coach advice (Joseph Clough, check him out!) and reading self-confidence and inner strength books on how to change your thoughts and be in control of your life – I have managed to draw up a list of the top 5 goals I want to work towards to better myself.
Here’s the list, and in addition some ‘rules’ I have made for myself along with an action plan of how to work towards accomplishing those goals. If anyone has some feedback, criticisms or has an idea of anything to add it would be more than welcome.
1. Do more things for myself which benefit ME. (Hard)
- Ask myself if the action/decision I am about to take up will have any benefit for me or will be worthwhile in the future. Examine my actions. Does this have any place in my life? If not, focus my energy on something else worth pursuing.
2. Stop being so dependant on others. (Hard.)
- Spent plenty of time by myself – learn to enjoy my own company and be comfortable doing things without the presence of others. (Shopping, watching films, walks, Saturday nights etc.)
- Stop making ASSUMPTIONS – Follow life by the reality of the situation (look for the evidence!); not by how i’m fantasising it up in my head or how I want the outcome to be.
- Don’t go out of my way for people who haven’t earn their worth.
- Go to bed at a certain time instead of staying up replying to messages and not sleeping! I am not missing out on anything! Go to sleep!
- …And stop checking your phone every 5 minutes! Concentrate on what you are doing, everyone else can wait.
- Be my own best friend.
3. Channel all my negative energy in to something more productive/beneficial. (Easy)
Negative energy includes;
- Self harm urges
- Hypersexuality (although I will remind myself that it is perfectly normal and okay to have a sex drive – but not if it gets you in to trouble!)
- Ask yourself if the action that the energy wants to produce has any benefits to you – is this action any use to your future self? if not, find a healthier more productive way to release it.
- Release any energy before any situation that may provoke it – e.g. hypersexual urges can be safely ‘released’ before a night out – prevent the risk of slipping under the influence of alcohol binges/general excitement!
4. Save up for my future stability. (Easy)
Using the “Banking” Technique.
- Money – put some aside in to savings account every month (after bills), and consider how much allowance I can pot/I will need for a future place of my own – bank it, then prepare for the day I can own that home of mine!
- Friendships – Ask myself WHO I need in my life. Are they worth keeping? Are they true friends? Do they have any use for me in the future? Imagine that perfect stable life of mine… who do I want to share it with? Bank these people.
- Career – What can I bank to help me progress my career? What investments should I make? Overtime, contacts, a second job, relationship with boss/co workers, training courses – are there any actions that will expand my knowledge and experience in the work place? Anything I can do to help with inspiration and ideas?
- Relationships – Who do I want to spend so much time and energy on for that potential match in the future? Relationships are a big investment… Are they proving their worth/loyalty to me? Are they honest and respectful to me? Do they treat me like a woman, or a girl? Do they give me negative vibes? Are they worth keeping for the future? Do they have the ability to settle down? What do I want out of the relationship, and can they live up to that? Can they respect who I am as a person, and with the disorder? Can they handle how huge a proportion my daughter is of my life? If so, bank them.
5. Don’t let my heart rule my head – take it slow. (Hard)
- Do not make ASSUMPTIONS – ask what they want from you, if not what expected them ditch this person before it goes nowhere and you get hurt.
- What are their ‘real’ intentions..? (not their imaginary intentions!)
- Do not DEPEND on the attention (this is a big no no for me, especially in the early stages).
- Do not tolerate any hot and cold behaviours – you know from experience this equals lack of self-esteem and confusion.
- Clear any confusions up asap. Do not tolerate the ‘Guessing game’ (ain’t nobody got time for that!)
- Do not get too close until sure.
- And a very important one… No giving it up until they have proven their worth and trusts starts to form. Sex should be the last thing on the agenda.
And do NOT forget…
- Make sure the other person is clear of YOUR intentions. Tit for tat!
And there we have it. Things to practice to better myself, gain control of my emotions and my life. A stronger, better me. Recovery just got serious.