Am i..?

It’s been a while…

I think the last time I updated this blog I had split up with my ex partner, and the father to my child.

A few months down the line I have my own home, a brand new car, i’ve been dating, work is great and life in general is pretty damn awesome. In fact, the past tthree months have been a breath of fresh air. I’ve been stablised, I’m off the opiates, and i have made peace with myself and I have been… content.

So why in the past two weeks have I felt like I have been sinking again?

Life is great. I am great. I am happy and I have all that I could ever ask for with the world at my doorstep. But my energy is declining, Im struggling to socialise again and I really am slowly struggling to be myself around others and when im on my own. I had a stressful day today, a day which tested the waters and I felt like I just couldn’t cope. This is something thats slowly building up… am I heading in to a depression again? I have also been feeling abnormally emotionally numb and flat the past few weeks or so, but I just put it down to the quetiapine. Am I unstablising? and my meds failing me?

Because my next-to-perfect life circumstances certainly havent changed.

Whatever it is, something is not right. And this time I know better than to look after number one until the storm passes (if there even is a storm on its way). I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do this. I have been sailing through life the past 3 months and forgot the pain I’ve had to endure to get here. Im scared I won’t be able to cope again.


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