I thought I would post a lighter hearted topic seeing as it’s Christmas Eve and all…
I have finally come to terms with the fact that (and actually allowed myself) to fall love with The Boy. As scary as it sounds to me, scary being a total under exaggeration, I am taking that brave step and allowing myself to feel something for a change, without fighting it off.
It’s early days. Thinking about it, there is so much more I do not know about The Boy. But what I do know, is that when he’s not here, it hurts.
I have found someone that, for the first time in my history of dating, respects my raw thought’s, my decisions, my passions. I have opened up to this wonderful person, and so far he hasn’t turned a judging eye to me. It’s been all ears, and an attempt to understand the best an outsider can. He has tried with me, and tried and tried again with me, and mustered the strength to be effortful with me, even if I have not given anything in return.
Love for me is painful. It hurts so much. My emotions are intense right now, it is the way I am built. I have Bipolar charged emotions, that I know can skew my health if I let it, can become dangerous to myself and to those around me if I allow them to get out of control. This is extremely difficult for me, and I’d rather hide away and shut myself out forever. My head is screaming at me to turn around and walk away without looking back, my instincts are raging to stay safe and protected, bubble wrapped from the world. But I also realise that I can’t lock myself away forever. Slowly does it, I will continue to take as long as I need to take, and I probably have a long run of painful emotions ahead of me and my feet will crumble time and time again below my heavy heart.
To The Boy – the one who has never failed to make me laugh each and every day since the moment I met him.
A wonderful Christmas to you all xxxxx