Perspective.

pers

And so it appears, the last decision my brain made today was just to give up and stop functioning altogether.

I am in that oddly awkward, surreal fog that comes around during med changes. I am now two months (?) off my antidepressants, and after a long awaited pdoc appointment have reduced my quetiapine from 300mg down to 200mg xr.

My life is slowly crumbling.

Between having so much time off work I have lost the spirit for the job itself, i am attempting to keep the mojo for job hunting as my contract expires in 6 weeks (and battling the handful of rejections that have been recently fired my way), trying to be a fully functioning mother, paying bills, handling debts, getting cuts in tax credits, trying to diet and lose this medication induced THREE STONE my body has acquired over the years, maintaining a long distance (ish) relationship with my sex drive no where to be seen (if found, please return to Megan), and trying to eliminate the thousands of fleas my cats delightfully presented my home with whilst I was away over the summer… I can safely say I am losing my mind (probably in the same place as libido).

I am torturing myself with comparatively remembering the former Megan I was 12 months ago. Loved her job. Independant lady. Committed to only herself and her daughter. Clean house. No fleas.

Apart from the physical changes, mentally I cannot decide whether I am the same person and have just shifted my perspective of my life/myself with the shift in meds, or whether reality is totally different now and I am just an ACTUAL loser who sucks at this life thing.

One thing I do know, my anxiety is back.

I want happy carefree back. I need to change my mentality somehow. Then Super Megan can handle the stressy stuff. Maybe i’m just falling apart because of all the changes that are happening financially and job wise at the minute. But last year I had changes in all areas of my life and I became said Superhero? How does that work out then?

Some wise words would be honored.

Image from whsartonebblock.blogspot.com

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3 thoughts on “Perspective.

  1. Just like the difference between last year and this year Megan, everything is destined to change. So don’t give up. Always hold on to hope, so if an opportunity knocks, you’ll be there to answer it. 🙂

    btw, you can submit a short quote/prose/poem in the contact us page in lovecorners.wordpress.com and let’s see if we can feature your work.

    Just continue writing, it will ease up the pain 🙂

  2. Im in a very similar situation, less the meds (i was on zoloft a long time ago but have ceased to return to it). Try to refocus. Im not the most religious person but i do pray and have faith in God’s timing. Get out as much as you can. My way of beating anxiety without meds was getting out of the house even when i felt like i couldn’t. I still have anxiety but ive learned how to function with it. Try breathing exercises as small as breathing in while counting to 10 and exhaling just the same. When you tense up you tend to breathe from your chest not your diaphragm. Make sure your stomach is expanding upon inhaling. You have to take control of yourself. It is very easy to feel helpless. I have faith that your life will turn around. Im am a single mother going through a divorce with two children and currently unemployed. The job market right now is brutal. I have a degree and about 12 years experience between two reputable corporations and Im having issues finding work as well. The market is tough but just keep applying. The right job will come at the right time. I will keep you in my prayers. Try to be strong. Better things to come. ❤

  3. I’m also reducing from 300mg Quetiapine and have halved Mirtazapine (antidepressant) I did it VERY slowly. I’ve only reduced 50mg Quetiapine in 6mths. I’m trying it slowly because I am hoping I might not miss them when it gets to the wonderful 0mg

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