As a person who sufferes with depression, anxiety, even with the mania symptoms, that is the one question that pushes me in and makes me feel so alone. My anxiety is bad tonight. -“Why?” I’m feeling low -“Why?” I can’t switch my mind off -“Why?” ………………I dont f*****g know. It’s like the other people (who... Continue Reading →
Fort Megan.
So after hiding out in Fort Megan seeking shelter from the anticipation that Tuesday was about to inevitably arrive, I finally surrendered and took half a diazepam in addition to my usual nightly meds. When Tuesday politely tapped me a few on the cheek to gently stir me from my valium-induced sleep, he fluffed up my pillows and approached me... Continue Reading →
I don’t know what is happening.
This morning I woke up super early, ready to face the day, was ready HALF AN HOUR before setting off to work time… Got to work, happy, skippy conquered my emails, picked up the phone – (?!*?? – I have extreme phone anxiety, pressure from work to call someone usually results in me getting lesser... Continue Reading →
Howl.
This afternoon, I casually walked in to my next counselling session honestly believing that the whole hour was going to be a complete waste of time. Again, I was proved wrong. This Friday, I went out and got wasted. Not just for no reason at all, it was the night of my daughter’s 3rd birthday... Continue Reading →
A view on the horizon.
After a week and a half of suffering in the pits of depression and tortured by the wrath of anxiety I can finally feel the fog dispersing and I have a clearer view of the future ahead of me. No self harm incidents, but a few bad days with only codeine to pull me through,... Continue Reading →
Art Therapy.
Following my post from Sunday night, due to two accidental med misses, I have crashed. I was so grateful to have a session with Jan today. I’ve attempted to mainly sleep through this one, that was my strategy. Meds at 7pm Sunday night, lie there hurting and letting my razor moths burry their way in... Continue Reading →
The flood gates.
If there was one opinion I couldn’t have heavily expressed more about my current mental health counsellor, it would be ‘Bitch doesn’t even know what she’s talking about.’ Today’s session, session number 3, changed that opinion. It’s been a journey of 8 and a half years of comfy chairs, stuffy rooms, hours staring blankly at... Continue Reading →
Clean.
Yesterday was the first day I didn’t find myself using opiates to cope. I have been having the odd one or two pills (down from 10 in two weeks) and I’ve only just remembered that yesterday went by without me even thinking of them. My anxiety is gone. Whether it has cleared up from not... Continue Reading →
Normality.
Things are looking up. I still don’t have a home, but it’s been nice to spend some quality time with my dad who has helped me out with a place to crash whilst I’m piecing back together the puzzle of my new life. The past two weeks, I’ve plunged in to it. Felt the fear... Continue Reading →
The label.
Bipolar Type 2. Finally I’m on the road to getting the help I need, and it has come at the right time, just as my life has fallen apart in front of my eyes. I’ve lost my home, my family, my relationship. Almost lost my brother. It’s just me, my daughter, a few binbags of... Continue Reading →
THE MANIC YEARS 