I had my addiction assessment this week. Much to my surprise and probably for the first time since I got involved with the Mental Health system, I got treated like an adult. There was no pressure to quit or go on any detox programmes, no pressure in to talking therapies or substitute prescriptions, and best... Continue Reading →

“It seems to me like you have been on a bit of a rollercoaster the past year haven’t you, M?” – Social Worker Sertraline has defined the term Rapid Cycling for me for sure. We have finally decided my medication isn’t working out for me. I explained that as well as fighting off the anxiety,... Continue Reading →

It’s Friday evening. Usually the weekends are the hardest to cope with, especially if it means being by myself. But tonight something is different. I’m in my room on my bed, by myself and doing my own thing and it feels… easier. I’m enjoying this. I had a glass of wine, then I stopped. No... Continue Reading →

So a week and a half after my ‘incident’ i’m finally ready to talk about it. Bipolar Depression So my mood sank. Slowly enough to not realise I was slipping, then hard enough to know full well i’d fallen and I couldn’t see a way out of this one. The week before, i’d wanted to... Continue Reading →

I’ve had the most difficult time going back and forth and fighting with myself whether or not to blog this week, mainly because I don’t know what the hell is going on with me. To simply put it; I don’t know how I feel. However, for the past few days it’s felt a little more... Continue Reading →

This evening, I was lounged on the couch nursing myself from my crash when I started running my finger down the bridge of my nose. It was a tactic used as a source of comfort when I was a child. These days, it’s a subtle reminder of the horrific night of my first Blackout. The feel... Continue Reading →

Okay, after a week or two (or three? can’t remember what the hell I’ve been up to!) I finally hold my hands up and admit to myself that I’m hypomanic. I think the stress of the build up to Christmas and the excitement of the new year has set me off. Here’s the list. The past however many weeks has... Continue Reading →

After just over a week of late nights, a (rather fun!) four day bender, averaging 2-5 hours sleep a night and getting barred from one of my locals I can safely say I’m finally having that come down. A manipulated come down that is. Deprived of sleep and desperate for my body to get some... Continue Reading →

I just wanted to post the latest ‘Confession.’ Mainly to myself. I’ve clearly been in denial about my hypomanic stage at the moment. I haven’t filled my mood chart in since the beginning of the week. I think I’ve been kidding myself that everything is… stable. My libido is clearly getting out of hand, I’m still not sleeping... Continue Reading →

That bad energy tightening it’s strong grip around my stomach whilst I plead and plead for it to let go, to no avail. I’m no stranger to the sensation of anxiety and I’ve struggled with it – on and off – for years. Whilst I don’t suffer with as much social anxiety as I used... Continue Reading →